Pound out the Floodgates
by Zidell Retrix
Summary: Tidus and Yuna search for their personalities while discovering the truth about their world.


**Pound out the Floodgates**

Tidus sat upon a high, basalt stool at a pub in a faraway valley from a faraway place, conveniently located near a quaint little Starbucks, reading the morning news. "Bar attendant, sir, will you please tell me where tomorrow's big Blitzball tournament is going to be played?" 

The attendant looked at Tidus intently, pointing to his nametag. "My name is Rusk, and yes, I do know where it's to be held. Blitzballden is going to be at the Tridome at Spira's epicenter. Everyone knows that. Why, you from some pseudo planet where they don't have arenas in their epicenters?" 

Tidus pursed his lips for a moment, then, after glancing to his sides, explained his situation, "My homeland has been destroyed, and I believe it's the work of Sin." 

"Well buddy! Good thing I destroyed my Cell and PDA or we'd be in a world of trouble here." 

"See, if you had a Compaq Ipaq like me there would be no prob. Compaq isn't technologically advanced at all," Tidus said smiling, erotically stroking his Ipaq. 

Rusk scowled, pushing a hidden button to play evil imperialistic music and signal his guards. Two hefty, panty-hose-wearing guards immediately appeared on either side of Tidus, grabbing his disgustingly large arms, and dragging him out of the pub. 

As he was thrown from the disreputable place of pubbing, Tidus looked up for a single instant, just enough time to catch a glimpse of a tall girl wearing some sort of quasi-sari. 

"Ow!" screeched a faint voice beneath the massive Tidus, "Get off me you horrible beast demon of Hades!" 

Tidus slowly got off, a tad dazed, and his hands a little sweaty from the heat. "Okinawa-like, man, too hot." 

Quickly rising, the girl brought her staff up as if to strike Tidus for his apparent insolence. 

"Woah, girl, please don't hurt me. I've got a game to get to; besides, I don't even really know who I am, and hospitals need to know that bit of info." 

Undeterred, the girl went ahead with her plan, taking four consecutive, brutal hits at Tidus, each hit with greater accuracy upon his dyed-blond head. 

Making small whining sounds, Tidus tried not to defend himself too much. "Please stop, the hitting thing isn't working for me very well." Tidus continued, unsure how to react to being beaten up by a girl he didn't know. 

The girl stopped, offering her hand. "My name is Yuna, what's yours?" 

Smiling, Tidus received Yuna's outstretched hand, "I carry the name Tidus, 'cause I'm really into tides and stuff. I hang at the beach like every day, well, almost every day until Sin destroyed it." 

Yuna's eyes brightened. "Hey, I'm on a journey right now to destroy Sin and save civilization! Come with?" 

Tidus looked down at his feet. "Nah, I need to discover my personality first. I lost myself after my homeland was destroyed." 

Looking distant and in a reverie, Yuna gazed into the distant clouds hovering above. "You know, I don't remember ever having a personality before; I just went ahead with life. Sin, that monstrosity of anti-tech, will be destroyed, and I would like you to come with me. I will help you to find your personality, and perhaps I, too, will discover my own." 

Grinning now, Tidus confirmed Yuna's answer. "Yes, yes we will all find personalities to begin our journey, and defeat the antagonist." 

Skipping off, the two bounded into their personality-discovering journey, pausing only when Yuna dropped and tripped over her staff a couple times. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/ ^_^;;;--+| **^__^**--+ 

"Tidus," Yuna asked after a while of silent skipping, "did you ever have a personality?" 

"…no, I don't think so." he replied sullenly. 

"What's wrong then…I don't remember much of anything before this. Has all this just started?" Yuna asked, a little pleading. 

"I don't know. Something is playing with us. Maybe Sin! Maybe Sin is playing with us!" 

"You mean Sin just started this world and forgot to give us personalities?" Yuna searched for more answers. 

"Yeah. Sin is playing with us. It's all a friggin' game to it!" Tidus shouted, a little resigned. 

Yuna stopped, contemplating. "A game. But if we destroy Sin, the game will end and the world will be no more. I want to exist!" 

Like a lightning bolt of inspiration from the light cloudy sky, Tidus formed an idea. "And Sin doesn't want us to have technology so we don't find out that this is a game and that we can get out of the game or destroy him…and end the game." 

"But Sin couldn't have masterminded the whole thing himself," Yuna stated, "There must be others players, other gamers who manipulate our world." 

"Destroy them, too!" Tidus shouted, way overzealous. 

"No wait, Tidus, I have a thought. Perhaps in going through with this 'game' we will find our personalities. That's how it is in the books I read back at home. Sin was created through our ancestors by lore." 

"And we will all be created through the playing of gamers, not of Sin, right?" 

"I think so, Tidus, I do believe it's true." 

Off in the distance a lone figure appeared, grabbing up many little items in its path, getting closer very fast. 

Tidus stepped forward to greet the incoming figure. Closer it came, closer and nearer, swinging arms so deft and defiant, nearing Tidus with sly ferocity, it came, inches and centimeters. Wham! "Zorrene!" it shouted, and the figure was gone. 

Tidus was on the ground, rubbing his punished stomach. "Owie." 

"Hmmm….That language, it is spoken by few. And 'she' is a thief. Look, your sword is missing." 

Tidus searched his shorts. "Man, that was so unkind. First I didn't realize I had a sword, and now it's gone. What a day." 

Yuna helped him up. "Come on, we have quite a path to create. The world, though only a game…seemingly…does not stop for a couple of sprites." 

"Geez, you resign in a hurry. We're not sprites, we're people! People! Maybe even playable people." 

"Knowing my luck I'll be an NPC," Yuna thought. 

"Ah, I'm sure you'll be a fantastic playable character. One of the main ones. Your sari is very authorative, so I bet so." Tidus said, putting an arm around Yuna. 

"It's not a sari, Tidus, and get off me. Thanks, though." Yuna said, removing Tidus' fat arm. 

They traveled a while longer before approaching a gigantic concrete building. Etched above the door and over the large guards' heads was the description pronouncing its position: "Gate 313373 to Epicenter, Approach left" 

"Well, left…epicenter…Blitzball. Yeah, let's go." Tidus spilled out his rambling thoughts, grabbing Yuna, and running into the building. 

Soon inside, they walked onto a black disc, where they were instantly transported to another, similar, room though much more damp. The concrete vibrated with shouts, numerous and combined; an earthquake of voices rising up every once in a while. 

"Oh, Yuna, think of it. Thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, of people are cheering for Blitzball players, my people. They're vicariously cheering for me. Me!" Tidus enthusiastically said, waving his arms toward the teleport exit. 

"Or you're vicariously living through the players. I wonder which it is…Hum. C'mon, let's gather a fighting team. We'll need one to defeat Sin and find our personalities." 

"R-r-right." Tidus agreed, a bit more lacking of enthusiasm, but followed Yuna into the large crowd of people. 

The heat was all-encompassing, and the thousands of people only made the deep underground chamber even more humid. "Sweltering." Tidus shoved through the people, almost losing sight of Yuna who was swiftly maneuvering through the oblivious crowd. A loud cheer rose up along with the people, covering Tidus' vision of everything. 

"Ah, geez, that must've been a great play. And now I can't even see it! Gyaaah!" Tidus kept low, trying to keep up with Yuna. 

Yuna stopped unexpectedly in front of a hotball vendor. "Excuse me, sirs, but could you direct me to your ice repository?" 

The vendors looked at her dumbfounded, "Well I don't know, miss," said the older vendor, "but we sell hotballs here. Would you like to buy a hotball instead?" 

"Um, sorry, but I don't feel like hotballs. It has to be 70 degrees Celsius here," Yuna said, perturbed. 

The vendor looked a bit confused, "I don't know about Celsius, ma'am, but in Fahrenheit, 70 degrees is a fantastic temperature. How about just one hotball? They're extra yummy." 

"Fine, fine. How much do I owe you?" 

The vendor whipped out a couple balls and threw them in a paper sack with a handful of salt. "It's on the house. These things really aren't selling and, seriously, in this heat they're really turning colors. You oughtta see the ones in back; they've turned at least five colors in the last few hours. Isn't that right, Gryun? Five colors." 

Gryun, the other vendor, nodded his head proudly in agreement. 

"Thank you very much. Well, I'll be leaving now." Taking the dripping, smelly sack, and getting her hands gritty in salt grains and grease, Yuna started walking toward the field. Tidus closely followed. 

"Yuna, that stuff smells pretty good. Can I have one?" 

"Tidus, if you want to get sick and die, fine, but I really rather you wouldn't. I need a posse…of living people." 

"Can't it be my posse? I'm, like, the dude here. The dude, Yuna, and dudes need posses just like blitzball players need blitzballs. It's inherent!" Tidus argued fervently. 

Yuna shoved the sack in front of him, "Take your darn meatball. Let's meet the players." 

"I thought they were hotballs, not meatballs." Tidus said as he swallowed one of the balls of grease. 

"Oh good God…" Yuna thought as she saw Tidus gulp down the other hotball. 

Wiping his mouth, Tidus hurried to the busy field, searching for something to drink. 

From one place to another, Tidus searched, asking the same question: "Beverage? Beverage? A drink, perhaps?" 

He continually got the same response, "no thank you." Tidus was so baffled that not only did no one have anything to drink, but they were also thanking him. 

"Perhaps they just needed to be reminded that they didn't have anything so that they could get some more stuff. Yeah, that's it. I'll wait right here." 

Yuna, who left before Tidus' fiasco, wandered through the field, not paying much of any attention to the players as they struggled not to hit her in their game. 

The loudspeaker barfed on the crowd, "Lightning game beginning in five….four…." 

Yuna kept walking in the middle of the field, pondering her plan to gather a team of fighters. 

"three…two…" the loudspeaker continued. 

Tidus kept waiting, staring into the rocky dome ceiling. "Some water would be nice…blueberry water. Cool." 

"one. Let the animalistic blitzball games," the loudspeaker paused for a second for drama, "…BEGIN!!!!" 

The ground shook violently, and huge, hairy animals wearing pads sprinted from a box off in the northwest corner, coming right for Yuna. 

Yuna looked up momentarily from her thoughts. As she saw the large animals coming for her, her eyes widened, and a sudden wave of ice hit her, then a second. And time slowed like H2O molecules in a freezer. No movement. 

Tidus slammed to the ground, writhing in pain, his stomach screamed and tore at his insides. He let out gurgling sounds, trying to form comprehensible words. "….gggghhh…..dsdsa…….ttttt…..owie….hotballs…." 

Instantly, the crowd rose up, and the whole massive chamber stood still. Quiet. Looking at one spot on the field, the people stared at a circle of animals seemingly eating….something. 

With all eyes at the circle of animals, Tidus' dilemma went on unnoticed as he became still from the pain. Unconscious. 

Minutes went by like hours, hours of mental pain, like a study hall with nothing to do and a mean teacher who won't let you converse. Minutes. 

Yuna stood up from the circle of animals that were still licking her. "The grease, they love the hotball's salty grease!" she shouted. Soon, though, she noticed that the animals were not looking so great. They started to die; die like animals that had eaten bad grease: salty hotball grease. 

Realizing the implications, Yuna ran over to Tidus who by now had stopped moving completely. "Tidus, um….Tidus, you okay?" 

He slowly opened his eyes, speaking softly, "So what are you doing back?" 

She wasn't quite sure how to answer his ludicrous question but did, uneasily, "Well, I sat back and thought about the things we used to do. It really meant a lot to me. You mean a lot to me." 

Tidus lifted his right hand, "I really mean that much to you?" 

Yuna smiled, "Girl, you know it's true." 

Tidus dropped his hand. "That's not right," he whimpered. 

"It's your fault for saying something so freaked out. Come on, let's go. I feel so greasy." Yuna said, walking away. 

Tidus got up slowly, bending down a little from the pain, and gradually followed Yuna up the stairs. 

The crowd cheered and the games continued. 

After a long trip back to the teleport, they faced again the concrete building above. "Yuna," Tidus said in a final tone, "I believe we do have personalities; we just couldn't find them." 

"Yes, I feel it," Yuna said, "I have a personality. Let's kill Sin." 

"No," Tidus answered, "This is a game; I know that now. If it were not, we would both be dead. But the strange thing is that I don't feel that the game is really being played right now. Why won't people play the game? Aren't we fun enough?!" Tidus grew a little violent. 

"Tidus," she said soothingly, "we don't even know that this is a game yet. It seems a little like it might be, what with some strange creature like Sin around, but still, let's wait before we kill things." 

"Yeah, we'll just wait around." 

They both sat down on the soft grass, staring serenely ahead for several hours, saying nothing. 

Waiting and waiting, they sat, wondering when the game would start. 

"Hey," Tidus said suddenly, "what's up?" 

Yuna looked over at him. "Not sure. This is taking forever." 

"Ah, screw it. I'm going to go back to my homeland. Maybe they've fixed stuff up." 

"Where is your homeland? You never said." 

Tidus threw his hand into a very general direction. "Somewhere somewhere, I don't really know. I'll just start walking into this somewhat direction and this somewhere space, and I'll find the place." 

"Fine," Yuna said, "I'll start journeying and try to find Sin. I'll see you when I see you." 

"See ya." 

And they left, parting ways, and soon forgot about each other completely. 

_Author Zidell Retrix's note:  
For those wondering, no, I don't like Compaq--lots of reasons--and yes, I do think Tidus is very fat. Also, the thief who stole Tidus' sword was Ryukku. Oh, yeah, the ending is the way it is so it sets the actual game up. Like you care, but I don't like to have too many inconsistencies.  
  
Side thought: Girl, you know it's true. Yes, Milli Vanilli._


End file.
